FAIRY MAKES MEDICAL HISTORY
 

(Investigator 24, 1992 May)


LONDON:
A ONE INCH FAIRY WEARING MINITURISED BREATHING APPARATUS SUTURED A BLEEDING STOMACH ULCER IN A HISTORY MAKING OPERATION AT THE PRINCE ALBERT HOSPITAL ON SATURDAY.

Joan Wad, aged 48 and a hemophiliac, would have died from blood loss if Fairy Primula had not agreed to be swallowed and do an "inside job".

Chief surgeon Dr Dolittle said at a press conference following the operation: "The idea of recruiting a fairy was so novel that the Ethics Committee of the hospital held an emergency meeting throughout last night."

"However, there really was no alternative and the final vote was unanimous; the only problem was finding a fairy," stated Dolittle.

The Ethics Committee contacted the Philosophical Society whose published discourses are sometimes compared to "fairy stories" and "fairy floss". The Society, with permission of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, revealed the existence of a secret colony of fairies in the Buckingham Palace gardens.

Said Dolittle: "The Ethics Committee chairman spoke to Fairy Primula over the Queen’s private phone and everything was arranged including the fee; I actually myself did very little."

Primula, complete with wings and silk skirt, donned the miniturised SCUBA supplied by the Defence Department, took up the suturing thread and needle and was washed down with chicken noodle soup.

"It was over in 10 minutes and the patient is doing fine," said Dolittle.

"I’m writing a full report for the Journal of the British Medical Association.

"This new procedure has unlimited potential and can be adapted to bypass surgery, pap smears, lung operations and dentistry."
 

[Caution: The above report should not be taken seriously.—Editor)


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