The Schlocky Horror Picture Show

(Investigator 170, 2016 September)


Schlocky Horror

If you like watching movies that make you shout "This is crap!" or "This is bull----!" then the Schlocky Horror Picture Show on Channel 44 (Adelaide) is for you.

Most of the movies are in the public domain and awful. Some are almost a century old and others are in the running for worst movie ever.

The best part of the Picture Show is often the introductory chat by talking-skeleton Nigel Honeybone who tells about the actors, directors, budgets and highlights.

As if public domain is not cheap enough, Schlocky Horror movies screened previously are already being repeated.

Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory was screened in 2009, Eegah and The Corpse Vanishes in 2010, Zontar The thing From Venus in 2011, Plan Nine From Outer Space in 2013, and The Killer Shrews in 2008, and this year they all returned. Eegah is so banal and silly, and the acting so wooden, that its highlight is when the girl abducted by a Neanderthal shaves his beard!

The Schlocky Horror website Message Boards have no messages, and the Frequently Asked Questions page has no questions.


Channel 44

Schlocky Horror Picture Show movies are public domain because apparently Channel 44 cannot afford much else.

The viewing includes shows that today's great grandparents watched as kids, such as The Cisco Kid, I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, The Beverly Hillbillies, Red Skelton, Flash Gordon, and Roy Rogers. Sunday night often features a 1930s Western, and Monday and Wednesday afternoon an old movie.

Otherwise Channel 44 has programs about cars, cooking, recipes, woodwork, wrestling, music, exercise, religion, sports, painting, fishing, etc.

The station was launched in 2004 as C31 Adelaide and became Channel 44 in 2014.


Schlock and Schlocky

The Urban Dictionary website says "Schlock" originated from the Yiddish word "Shlak" in 1910-1915. Is is now usually used in reference to movies, and means:

1. Crap
2. Of very poor quality.
3. Of little or no value.

Synonyms include useless, worthless, trash and junk.

Clearly The Schlocky Horror Picture Show is aptly named.


Movie List

The Schlocky Horror Picture Show began in 2007 and until 2015 screened on Friday nights (Saturday nights in 2016). It is irregular, sometimes not shown for months. Therefore to catch it when it comes, check the TV guide often.

Actually, not every movie is utterly awful, just most of them. The ratings (Column 4 below) come from Leonard Maltin's Movie & Video Guide (1999; 2011). Maltin's rating scale has four stars for the best movies down to "Bomb" which equals one star or less.

A list of Schlocky Horror Picture Show movies follows:



Date
Screened
Movie
*
1
30 March 2007 The Last Man on Earth (1964)
2
6 April 2007 The Mad Monster (1942)
3
13 April 2007 The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues (1955) -
4
20 April 2007 Evil Brain from Outer Space (1959) -
5
27 April 2007   Scared to Death (1947)
6
4 May 2007 Crypt of the Living Dead ( 1972) -
7
11 May 2007 Moon of the Wolf (1972) -
8
18 May 2007  Dementia 13 (1963) 2
9
25 May 2007 Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968)
10
1 June 2007 Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983) -
11
8 June 2007 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) B
12
15 June 2007 Creepers (1984) 3
13
22 June 2007 Bad Taste (1988)
14
29 June 2007 The Cold (1984) -
15
6 July 2007 Good Against Evil (1977) -
16
13 July 2007 The Human Monster (1939) 2
17
20 July 2007 The Cabinet of Dr Caligari (1919)
18
27 July 2007 Drive-In Massacre (1977) 2
19
3 August 2007 Juggernaut (1936) -
20
10 August 2007 Prey (2004) -
21
17 August 2007 House on Haunted Hill (1959) -
22
24 August 2007 A Bucket of Blood (1959) 2
23
31 August 2007 Little Shop of Horrors (1960)  3½
24
7 Sep. 2007 Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)
25
14 Sep. 2007 All the Kind Strangers (1974) -
26
21 Sep. 2007 Night of the Living Dead (1968)
27
14 March 2008 The Evil Mind (1934)
28
28 March 2008 The Last Woman on Earth (1960) B
29
4 April 2008 Destroy All Planets (1968) -
30
11 April 2008 Nightmare Castle (1965) 2
31
18 April 2008 The Werewolf vs the Vampire Woman (1970) -
32
25 April 2008 The Terror (1963) -
33
2 May 2008 The Killer Shrews (1959)  2½
34
9 May 2008 Carnival of Souls (1962)
35
16 May 2008 Teenagers from Outer Space (1959) B
36
30 May 2008 Chiller (1985) -
37
6 June 2008 The Devil Bat (1941) 2
38
13 June2008 Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride (1973)
39
20 June 2008 Horrors of Spider Island (1959) -
40
27 June 2008 Nosferatu (1922)
41
5 Dec. 2008 Beast from the Haunted Cave (1960) 2
42
12 Dec. 2008
Bluebeard (1944) 3
43
19 Dec. 2008 The Bat (1959)
44
26 Dec. 2008 White Zombie (1932) 3
45
2 Jan. 2009 Bloody Pit of Horror (1965} -
46
9 Jan. 2009 Bloodlust (1961 -
47
16 Jan. 2009 Warning from Space (1957) -
48
23 Jan. 2009 The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
49
30 Jan. 2009 Svengali (1931) 3
50
2 Feb. 2009 Robot Monster (1953) B
51
3 Feb. 2009
The Wasp Woman (1960)
52
20 Feb. 2009 The Werewolf of Washington (1973)  1½
53
 27 Feb. 2009 The Vampire Bat (1933)
54
14 August 2009 Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966)
55
21 August 2009 Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959)
56
28 August 2009 Terror Creatures from the Grave (1965)   -
57
4 Sep. 2009 Tormented (1960) B
58
11 Sep. 2009  Lady Frankenstein (1979)
B
59
18 Sep. 2009 Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933)
60
25 Sep. 2009 Werewolf in a Girls Dormitory (1961) B
61
2 Oct. 2009 Planet Outlaws (1953) -
62
9 Oct. 2009 Revolt of the Zombies (1936)  1½
63
16 Oct. 2009 Killers from Space (1954) B
64
23 Oct. 2009 Cosmos: War of the Planets (1977) B
65
30 Oct. 2009 The Day of the Triffids (1962)
66
6 Nov. 2009 Slipstream (1989) 2
67
6 August 2010 Eegah (1962) B
68
13 August 2010 The Double D Avenger (2001) -
69
20 August 2010 They Came from Beyond Space (1967)  B
70
27 August 2010 Night of the Living Dead Reanimated (2009) -
71
 3 Sep. 2010 The Corpse Vanishes (1942) 2
72
10 Sep. 2010 Frankenstein vs the Creature from Blood Cove (2005) -
73
17 Sep. 2010 The Phantom Planet (1961)
74
24 Sep. 2010 The She Beast (1966)
75
1 Oct. 2010 Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (1920) 3
76
8 Oct. 2010 The Vampire Happening (1971) -
77
15 Oct. 2010 Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet (1965)
78
22 Oct. 2010 Wild Women of Wongo (1958) -
79
29 Oct. 2010 The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1963)
80
24 Dec. 2010 Spider Baby (1964)
81
21 Oct. 2011 Monos: The Hands of Fate (1966) -
82
28 Oct. 2011 Brother from Another Planet (1984)  3
83
4 Nov. 2011 Goth Kill (2009) -
84
11 Nov. 2011 Horror Express (1972)  3
85
18 Nov. 2011 First Spaceship on Venus (1960) 2
86
25 Nov. 2011 Phantom from Space (1953)  1½
87
2 Dec. 2011 Zontar the Thing from Venus (1968) B
88
9 Dec. 2011 Horror Hotel (1960)
89
16 Dec. 2011 Lost World (1925)
90
23 Dec. 2011 Silent Night Bloody Night (1973) 2
91
30 Dec. 2011 Snow Beast (1977) -
92
6 Jan. 2012 Dominique (1978) 2
93
2 March 2012 Voodoo Dawn (1998) -
94
1 Feb. 2013 Monster of Phantom Lake (2006) -
95
8 Feb. 2013 The Embalmer (1965) -
96
15 Feb. 2013  It Came from Another World (2007) -
97
22 Feb. 2013 Mesa of Lost Women (1953) -
98
1 March 2013 Cave Women on Mars (2008) -
99
8 March 2013 The Indestructible Man (1956) 2
100
15 March 2013 Terror from Beneath the Earth (2009) -
101
22 March 2013 Alien Contamination (1980) -
102
29 March 2013 Destination Outer Space (2010) -
103
5 April 2013 King of the Zombies (1941)
104
12 April 2013 Attack of the Moon Zombies (2011) -
105
19 April 2013 Guyver Dark Hero (1994) -
106
26 April 2013 House of Ghosts (2012) -
107
 3 May 2013 Plan Nine from Outer Space (1958) B
108
30 Jan. 2015 The Ghastly Love of Johnny X (2012) -
109
28 August 2015 The Day the Sky Exploded (1958) 2



The Stories

The Schlocky Horror movies often show crazy scientists, unbelievable mutations, mad murderers, implausible monsters, perfunctory aliens, insipid deaths, and whatever else evokes yawns.

Often the acting is stilted, special effects silly, dubbing atrocious, violence unrealistic, and plots stupid.

In Destroy All Planets (1968) a big, fire-spitting, flying turtle named Gamera saves Earth from alien invaders with help from scouts. In The Double D Avenger (2001) the Double D apparently refers to the bra-size of the "Avenger" who tackles a gang of murderous strippers.

Leonard Maltin provides many helpful summaries. For example:

Teenagers From Outer Space (1959) Bomb   
Ridiculous sci-fi about alien youths who bring monster to Earth, shown as the shadow of a lobster! Very, very cheap…


Robot Monster (1953) Bomb
Gorilla in diving helmet wipes out entire Earth population save one family ...  embarrassingly, hilariously awful…

Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory (1961) Bomb
Superintendent at school for problem girls doubles as a werewolf. Strictly bottom-of-the-barrel.
              
Wikipedia has entries on all the movies. For example:

•    Plan Nine from Outer Space (1968)
Extraterrestrials seek to stop humanity from creating a doomsday weapon that could destroy the universe. The aliens implement Plan Nine, a scheme to resurrect the Earth's dead, referred to as "ghouls". By causing chaos, the aliens hope the crisis will force humanity to listen to them. If not, the aliens will then destroy mankind with armies of the undead.

•    Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968)
Astronauts landing on Venus kill a creature that resembles a pterodactyl and is worshiped by the local women. The women try and fail to kill the astronauts by means of their superhuman powers. Eventually, the astronauts escape the planet, and their robot, damaged by a volcanic fire, becomes the women's new god.

Wikipedia often includes interesting background information. The director of Plan Nine, for example, posthumously received the "Golden Turkey Award" for "Worst Director", and his film for "Worst film ever made."

And the director of Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women is quoted:

"I dressed them up in rubber suits, bottoms only and put shells over their breasts. I had them traipsing around Leo Carillo Beach for a while shooting inserts that might relate to Venus. One of the girls was afraid of sharks and when she was in the water they threw her a rubber fish; she got hysterical, grabbed the fish and bit its head off."


Viewing

Channel 44 recently moved operations online. Nigel Honeybone with his Schlocky Horror is no longer confined to Adelaide! Don't miss it.



References:

Maltin, L. 1998, 1999 Movie & Video Guide, Signet

www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2013/01/18/3672337.htm

www.c44.com.au
(BS)


http://users.adam.com.au/bstett/

http://ed5015.tripod.com/