BLOOPERS CORNER


Certifiably genuine student bloopers from eighth grade through to college level
collected by teachers throughout the United States. Edited by Harry Edwards



Investigator 80, 2001 September

Eventually, the Ramons conquored the Greeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because he thought he was going to be king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.



Investigator 82, 2002 January

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatellow's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Guttenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.



Investigator 83, 2002 March

Then came the Middle Ages, King Alfred conquered the Danes, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of arc was cannonized by George Bernhard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.



Investigator 85, 2002 July

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only for his plays.  He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, commedies and errors. In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy.  In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the king by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote." The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained."



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