genuine student bloopers from eighth grade through to college level
throughout the United States. Edited by Harry Edwards
80, 2001 September
the Ramons conquored the Greeks. History call people Romans because
they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the
guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on
the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because he
thought he was going to be king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would
torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
82, 2002 January
Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of
their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at
Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death,
being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatellow's
interest in the female nude that made him the father of the
Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Guttenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was
the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with
a 100-foot clipper.
83, 2002 March
came the Middle Ages, King Alfred conquered the Danes, King Arthur
lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before
the Battle of Hastings, Joan of arc was cannonized by George Bernhard
Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.
Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged
twice for the same offense.
85, 2002 July
greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare
never made much money and is famous only for his plays. He lived
in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, commedies and
errors. In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his
situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another,
Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the king by attacking
his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote
"Donkey Hote." The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
"Paradise Lost." Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained."